Grief and Loss
Experiencing loss is so common and inevitable that you would think we would be good at it by now!¹ But we are often not good at it and sometimes our reactions take us by surprise. Sometimes we find ourselves overwhelmed with grief, anger, confusion, and more. Life is especially hard when we are not taught how to be with ourselves as this occurs. In fact, particularly in America we are taught to ignore difficulties and pretend that everything is always OK. ²
You may have noticed that ignoring your insides and uncomfortable thoughts and feelings can only work for a short period of time. You may already know intuitively, that no good can come from trying to constantly avoid yourself and your truth - no matter how agonizing the pain. Ignoring yourself can actually stunt your growth toward health and happiness and you may end up having to deal with that quality of pain for a longer time.
Let yourself consider that maybe it can get better. Coming to therapy with someone who specializes in grief and loss can make all the difference, and some relief can come to you very soon. ³ At your own comfort and speed we can safely be with your grief as needed, allowing you to gently problem solve and move forward in your life to where you want to be.
FOOTNOTES:
1. What of our experiences can we consider loss? And of those losses, how uncomfortable do we have to feel before reaching out for help? We experience loss in our lives when there is a change; this can be a consciously obvious change as in losing a job, a divorce, or our loved ones through death. And this can be, not so obvious but just as distressing, as in the loss of our health, goals, and dreams. Even ending something which we are glad of (reaching a goal, moving, child’s wedding) can affect us in surprising ways.
Some traumatic losses (homicide, suicide, pandemic), change us forever and most often need a special kind of attention with a therapist or group that specializes in that particular type of loss. General grief therapist and groups who mean well may not be able to reach you appropriately and can cause more damage.
2. Or we are taught something is wrong with us if we don’t experience certain emotions and in a certain order. For example, early books from Kubler-Ross suggested that grief had stages including denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Don’t let yourself get bogged down into trying to fit where you don’t belong.
3. You may want to check out my partial list of “Normal reactions to disasters, trauma, and loss” listed in Disasters. You may find that you identify with much that is on this list. And do remind yourself, that these can be normal reactions.